Four Actual Conversations I Actually Overheard Recently

The Only Thing That’s Going to Flare is Racial Tensions With Your Co-workers
BACKGROUND: This month, I’ve been having a lot of stucco work done on my house. The guys were finishing up the final coat, and while they were doing that, I was applying some silicon sealant to a flat part of my roof before the rainy season hit. While on the roof, I overheard the two workers having this actual conversation. For the record, Kevin is a 50-year-old white guy and Raul is a 30-something Latino guy.

KEVIN:
All it’s gonna take is one solar flare. One.

RAUL:
What’s a solar flare?

KEVIN:
It’s like a burst from the sun. And all those satellites floating around in space will get burnt up.

RAUL:
Oh.

KEVIN:
And then, you won’t even be able to buy a loaf of bread from the store because all those credit card banking transactions – they all depend on those satellites.

RAUL:
Then what will happen?

KEVIN:
What will happen? There will be mass rioting, that’s what’ll happen. Because you won’t even be able to buy a loaf of bread. Of course, your people should come out on top, if it comes to that.

Thundercats…oh…
BACKGROUND: Dropping my son off at school is always a feat, with dozens of parents converging at the same time. Today, I parked along the street and while walking hand-in-hand with my son, I got the privilege of overhearing this gem.

DAD 1:
Oh my God! I love your bumper stickers.

MOM 1:
What?

DAD 1:
(pointing to the back of her car)
Is that for the Thundercats? I love them.

MOM 1:
What?

DAD 1:
Pointing to the back of the car.
These stickers. Thundercats, right? The cartoon from when we were kids!

MOM 1:
I’m Sikh. Those are symbols from my religion.

DAD 1:
What?

MOM 1:
It’s called the Khanda.

DAD 1:
Oh, because it looks like.
(voice dropping off)
I mean, there’s new Thundercats movie coming out.

MOM 1:
No. It’s a religious symbol. From my religion.

DAD 1:
Oh. Okay then.

The lesson as always, is:

This is the Khanda, which symbolizes God’s Universal and Creative Power. In it’s center is a double edged sword, which symbolizes the primal and almighty power of the creator.

And this is the sword of Lion-O, the leader of the fictious cartoon warriors, The Thundercats.

It’s Got a Good Beat, Though
While in the gym this morning, the song Regulate by Warren G and Natedog came on Pandora and bumped through the gym. This song was really big when it was released in 1994, and frankly, it’s an example of why I never liked West Coast rap.

DAVE:
(as the song came on)
Wow. This takes me back.

BEN (the instructor):
Yeah. I haven’t heard this song in 8 years.
(screaming at the lot of us)
Gimme 10 Good Mornings!

DAVE:
(while stretching)
Okay, so the general plot of this song seems to be the following: while riding in my car one evening, I got robbed at gun-point, then was involved in a deadly gun-fight, then I got some hookers.

BEN:
Sounds like a typical Tuesday.

The Softest Rock Isn’t Talc, It’s Michael Bolton
BACKGROUND: While reading the above post, my wife and I had the following conversation:

NICOLE:
I don’t remember the song Regulate. And Warren G? Isn’t he the saxophone guy?

ME:
That’s Kenny G.

NICOLE:
Right.

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One Response to Four Actual Conversations I Actually Overheard Recently

  1. Gina says:

    This was awesome…thank you for making me smile today!

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